Unstoppable.

I have spent most of my life as an all-star athlete - the captain of my basketball, softball, and volleyball teams in middle school, high school, and then continued playing volleyball at the collegiate level. I was NESCAC player of the year for two years, all-American, inducted into both the Connecticut and Wesleyan Hall of Fames, and went on to play professionally in Europe. I felt strong. I felt powerfully in control of my body. I felt empowered. I felt confident. I felt full of life. I felt “in the zone.” I felt the power of my Soul flowing through me. I felt unstoppable. 

Fast forward to 2021, when I was in a car accident that left me with a broken pelvis on both sides. On top of that I was suffering with liver failure, anorexia, malnutrition, and a host of other health challenges. Had it just been the pelvic fractures, I’m sure recovery would have been hard, but not insufferable and so long-lasting. I was also suffering with depression, anxiety, panic, phobias, and suicidal ideation. I felt hopeless. I felt zero desire to be here. I just wanted to go home, and was desperate to find any escape route out of the pain of being in my body. I felt stuck. I felt abandoned by my spirit guides, by my intuition, and by love. I felt utterly helpless. 

It would seem that Life is more intelligent than I have ever given it credit for. I found out rather quickly that trying to control my reality wasn’t helping, and was only making my suffering more insufferable. By being “forced” to surrender, to stop, to face and feel my feelings - while utterly painful - turned out to be the greatest blessing I have ever experienced. I was bed-ridden for months, and then in a wheelchair for almost a year, so I was quite literally forced to slow down. And while I didn’t go willingly, this slowing down gradually cultivated within me a profound level of patience, self-awareness, self-respect, and humility. And while I still notice patterns of OCD and PTSD from this experience, and certainly feel fear, anxiety, and helplessness on occasion (I am human, after all), there is now a much deeper level of faith, self-love, and self-trust within me than ever before. I am now walking and biking, and dream of one day being able to play sports once again.

What’s amazing is that I now know I can still live a fulfilling and joyful life even if I am never able to run or jump again. The emotional and spiritual maturity and evolution that this experience has birthed within me feels, in many ways, even more empowering than how I felt during my all-star sports days. I smile in recognition of the irony (and perfection) that Life had to slow me down to almost a complete stop in order for me to recognize how truly unstoppable I am.

I share this story for those who have suffered from pain, loss, despair, panic, or any other traumatic experience. It is my hope that you will feel a glimmer of love, faith, and renewed self-respect in reading my story. I would love to hear your story. We really are all in this together. I honor your story, and I thank you for hearing mine. You are unstoppable.